#i forget to read books about adult trans people

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Okay at 6am I wrapped all of my physical books that I haven't read in wrapping paper and then numbered them and then wrote the numbers on slips of paper and put them in a mug so when I'm done reading my Kindle book I can start on my physical books as a fun little surprise and also this year I'm gonna knit a book blanket. Different color for each genre, different amount of rows for how many stars I rate it. Nevermind that I haven't finished the shawl I started on October, or the blanket I started THREE YEARS AGO. This one will be different.

I'm going levels of insane that I never thought possible.

[endcant]

Crossposted from my Tumblr Community: The Trans South

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The Trans South Monthly Bulletin Board

Our pinned post for the month of November, 2024.

comment anything you want to add, and i'll add what fits in this month's post. i'll be making a new post each month, so you may need to resubmit any links that are applicable for multiple months. check the comments for anything i missed!

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the bright side:

the fact that you're alive is good news to me!

"Good News: Some States Passed Protections for Abortion Access, Marriage Equality, and More" | Here is an article with some upshots and progress from the 2024 election.

"Lipstick Lounge Owners Break Ground on Sports Bar Venture" | "The Lipstick Lounge is one of only 32 open and operating lesbian bars in the United States registered with the Lesbian Bar Project."

"Florida's LGBTQ+ community defies queer repression with advocacy & preservation" | "I will not paint a desolate picture of the state. And, there still is hope."

"The Candy Shop: Columbia SC Rallies to Honor Landmark Black Gay Bar" | "Researchers and preservationists at Historic Columbia have joined the struggle to correct the way the club has thus far been "written over" in the historical record."

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TTS crowdfunds:

help fellow transgender people in your community today!

Catgirl-smash needs help with bills and moving!

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fun links:

things that gave me dopamine and kept me going

Read "When We Call a Place Home" by Chinelo Onwualu | "A utopian tale of historical memory, the dangers of forgetting…and vampires."

WEBFISHING | "WEBFISHING is a multiplayer chatroom-focused fishing game! Relax and fish (on the web!)"

Memory Games | I've been using these memory games to try to heal my brain a bit from long covid brain fog.

Mahogany's List of Black Banned Books | Read some books they don't want you to read!

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useful links:

interesting resources and organizations you should know about

Trans Reads | "Trans Reads is an ambitious project created by and for transgender people to openly access writing related to our communities."

Southerners On New Ground | "SONG is a home for LGBTQ liberation across all lines of race, class, abilities, age, culture, gender, and sexuality in the South".

Winners from The LGBTQ+ Victory Fund | Check out this list of winning LGBTQ+ candidates for various political offices from around the U.S. who were supported by the Victory Fund.

Lambda Legal's Help Desk | "a resource for the community we serve in providing general legal information and resources relating to discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression, and HIV status."

Every State has a DD Council! | Did you know that it's federal law that every state must have a council whose job it is to hold their state accountable on behalf of developmentally disabled people?

Help the Palestinian People with a Click | "Your free click generates donations from our sponsors. Remember, you may click once a day, every day. Donations raised will go to UNRWA to assist the Palestinian refugees."

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If you're an adult trans person in the U.S. South, join my Tumblr Community: The Trans South.

If you're a teen trans person in the U.S. South and you create a youth community for trans southerners, let me know and I'll link to it in The Trans South.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i think you're onto something with the romance novels world and plot points needing to mirror the kind of outlandishness of the love story. bc the main characters are already inherently acting absurd just by falling madly in love in a month or whatever and then if you add in the contrivances of romance tropes, it starts to feel like whiplash trying to pretend the characters live in any sort of grounded "normal" world. Like when the author adds in a family conflict subplot where the MC is like in absolute shambles because her mom said something slightly passive aggressive at lunch. that reads as more jarring to me than like conflict being something ridiculous that her mom doesn't want her being a marine biologist bc they come from a long line of fishmongers. Give me absurd drama to match the over the top dialogue and character emotions, I knew it would be unrealistic it's a romance novel! I guess this applies more to romcoms, but the same would apply I think to an analogous serious scenario. Or at least that's my take on it

okay so having just finished genuinely the most boring romance novel I have ever read in my LIFE I'm going to expand on this a little so thank you for sending an ask that gives me such a great platform to do that

I personally generally prefer a romance that just gets fucking silly with it, like really outlandish. A Lady for the Duke (Alexis Hall) is obviously the dream, being a whole swoony historical trans-affirming fantasy, but contemporary fake relationship stories can also be fun in their sheer ridiculousness, like Love, Hate, and Clickbait (Liz Bowery), which I actually liked, and Unfortunately Yours (Tessa Bailey), which I did not like but was very funny. and let's not forget queen Helen Hoang's Bride Test, which has a premise that dances perilously close to human trafficking but all works out in the end!!!

BUT HAVING SAID THAT. I don't think that something needs to be totally implausible to be a good romance. two of my very favorites romance novels anywhere ever are Helen Hoang's Heart Principle (no one should be surprised Hoang is on her twice I adore her) and Akwaeke Emezi's You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty. both of these books are very grounded in reality but with very uncommon situations to heighten emotions and add urgency; in Hoang's case it's a character's adult autism diagnosis + death of a parent and in Emezi's case it's a very sudden and #problematic attraction coming out of absolutely nowhere. the stakes are very real, mostly centering around being true to yourself v disappointing your family, but the circumstances are still wild enough to make you say "god DAMN" and keep turning pages. hell, I'll even be extremely generous and include Mistakes Were Made (Meryl Wilsner) which is kind of a flop but does have the intriguing premise of "what if you were fucking a milf but her kid was YOUR BEST FRIEND and it was a secret?"

those are like the two sweet spots TO ME, and this book I just read (which was Thank You for Sharing by Rachel Runya Katz, I feel so bad putting it on blast but I know people are going to ask) really solidified it for me because TYFS didn't fall into either of those categories. I'm going to say something absolutely insane, which is that multiple times while I was reading it I found myself wishing that the book was fanfic, because on its own it just... didn't bring a lot to the table? it falls into the grounded category but doesn't really bring any of those heightened stakes to the story, it's just 330 pages of people in their late twenties complaining about dating and their office jobs. if I wanted that I could just ask my group chat! there's nothing particularly particularly gripping about watching made up strangers do it!

but then I was like oh hang on... if this was two fictional characters who are usually fighting with swords or throwing cars at each other or something this would be so gripping. it's literally the coffee shop AU principle, right? like seeing people in a very mundane setting having an office job and going to a bar is very shrimpteresting when they're normally defusing space bombs. I was explaining this to my housemates and I couldn't think of a straight couple to apply it to (the book is m/f) so I said Naruto and Sasuke, which is crazy because I've never seen a single episode of Naruto, but like. idk Naruto being a museum curator who has to work with Sasuke, a marketing specialist who he had beef with a summer camp 14 years ago, sounds kind of compelling, right? definitely more than just two people I don't know.

there's a post on here that I think about a lot that talks about why advertising a story with tropes doesn't work for original fiction as well as it does for fan fic because knowing the tropes is more helpful when you already have a sense of investment in the characters and their personalities, and I think this is related to that! I think sometimes you NEED to have a wider sense of scope for the characters for them to be interesting in a very mundane setting!

ANYWAY. much to consider, etc.

[lemonadehtwooh]

So… tell me about your mastersona?

OKAY so I forgot to add that there's five Master OCs, but Romeo is my specific Mastersona/current main character (this is for anyone who needs clarification). The other OCs are: Maple von Roth, Ishaan, Mary, and Chance Finnick

Under cut is backstory info up to how he joins Chaldea's organization of mages (a very long read)

So he comes from a VERY wealthy family, and he was the youngest child. I can't remember ATM how many siblings he has, but I think maybe he had four older sisters and two older brothers. Anyway, he was slightly babied in his childhood, but he never really turned out arrogant (however, he tends to think of himself as too arrogant or selfish due to self-deprecation RIP). His parents weren't very emotionally close to him or his siblings, and instead would replace their lack of presence with gifts and money. He also wasn't very close to his siblings due to him not meeting social expectations very well. He was always very clumsy/very accident prone, awkward, quiet, and noticably "different" in a "bad way" that would get him rejected. So he grew up very lonely and very people-pleasing. However, he really loves to study and read (which is VERY important to remember later) and is very smart academic-wise, which was the one thing that gave him some redemption in his family

Where he comes from isn't specified like the other Master OCs, however he canonically is Latino mixed and speaks Spanish, English, and learned Latin. As well, his family was VERY high class and had a lot of social influence. Adding on, Romeo is trans and was able to socially transition when he was a teenager and was able to medically transition when he was a legal adult very easily. He had some privilege, however that's probably the only time he used it for himself

Soon after his 18th birthday, Romeo was put into an arranged marriage with a girl he grew up around. Although the reasoning is currently vague, I would assume it was for both social and business reasons. His marriage was very loveless, and quickly his wife isolated him from the world and his family. She forbade him from getting a job (at this point now, he never had a job due to his focus on academics) and used him for the money he would receive from his parents. So she was financially abusive and possibly had both physically abused him and sexually coerced him (he, years later, realizes he's gay and was never attracted to women at all, which was why he didn't want anything to do with her in their marriage and why he didn't love her like that). He was very lonely in his marriage, and only found happiness in reading and studying

Eventually he catches her in the act of cheating without being noticed. So he writes a note that he's leaving, leaves her some money and their house, packs a few things, and straight up leaves. He goes VERY VERY VERY far away. The note he left? It was misinterpreted as a suicide note due to excessive apologizing for not being a good enough husband and his horrible way of wording things. He's pronounced dead, despite no body being found. Romeo never finds out about this

He gets his first job. And immediately loses it for accidentally, SOMEHOW, setting things on fire. And he absolutely SUCKS at getting and keeping jobs due to weird accidents, coincidences, and clumsiness. But he's trying SO hard. He wants to work, he wants to make his own money. He wants to have SOMETHING to be proud of

The money he took with him runs out, and he's kicked out of the apartment he was living in. He's homeless now, and proceeds to wander. Soon, the teleportation-in-his-sleep problem kicks up, and he finds himself in a new area every single day. Every day, he wanders and walks and travels with no real direction or purpose. He doesn't have anything but his books and the clothes on him. Years pass, he believes his memory is worsening as he forgets information about himself. He doesn't remember where he's from, his last name, or his age. He has memories, but they don't really matter anymore

One day, Romeo wakes up freezing. In my AU, Chaldea is still in the arctics, BUT there's a huge forest surrounding it as the magical energy radiating from it caused the area to grow wild plants and trees. Romeo manages to walk around a little, but collapses due to his already failing health and him starting to freeze to death

Now Fou comes in, a mix between Fou liking to explore the forest area outside of Chaldea and Fou being attracted by Romeo's sense of despair, hopelessness, yearning for a purpose, and envy of people better/stronger than him. Fou quickly takes a liking to Romeo (the reasoning for now is that Romeo offered Fou some food), piquing Merlin's interest as Fou demands for Romeo to be saved

Merlin sees Romeo's potential future and looses his shit laughing as Romeo becomes one of Chaldea's top mages. He thinks the idea of this pathetic, weak man becoming not only a mage, but a powerful one, is hilarious. He thinks making Chaldea deal with this man would be the funniest joke, but also would be interesting entertainment. So, using his hero creation ability, Merlin has Romeo healed up a bit so Fou can lead Romeo back to Chaldea

Romeo manages to accidentally teleport himself and Fou into Chaldea, and passes out due to the temperature difference and exhaustion

Shenanigans happen, in which Romeo is hidden from the main staff by Chance and her Servant Astolfo, and then Maple joining in as Chance's friend, and then ALMOST EVERYONE also hides Romeo from the main staff so he wouldn't be kicked out because he is just so darn friendly and knowledgeable and helps everyone so much (Romeo is just happy to be making friends)

Obviously, Romeo is found out due to the fact he was snuck into the library so he could read. And during one of these trips, he accidentally gets his foot stuck in a bucket and gets help from "A very pretty lady", aka Da Vinci, and then some stuff happens later and he gets registered as a Mage-in-training with the promise he would continue studying and would work hard to meet hard requirements

Okay, so back to the fact he grew up loving to read! He was born with magical abilities in a mage-based family/community, very specifically he is one of the "breathing and walking" people, however he never realized he was using magic nor did anyone tell him. He thought it was normal stuff. And the books he would read were infused with magic and had very old, unknown magic techniques written in them, and just in general fed him information about magic. Without him knowing it was magic. So he is VERY strong magically, however his lack of proper training and his area of magic being luck AND emotional based makes him weak. Adding on the information he read was unknown, aka an isolated or unused study, which makes it harder to train him because his strong suit is just. Unavailable other than the books he has on him. And his specific magic is so,,, unknown percentages of probability and can fluctuate so crazily just from the fact if he's having a bad day or not, that it's hard to tell if he's doing things right

Adding on, at first when Romeo works for Chaldea, he has no reason to do so other than having a place to stay and eat. It's survival. But later on, shortly before he summons Mr. Utterson, he realizes he wants to fight for humanity because of his friends. And that's where he finds his purpose

[sophieinwonderland]

Hi!!

I hope you don't mind me reaching out, but my mind's in a whirl and I'm wondering if I'm a system, and you seem like a great place to ask questions.

So. Long story short, I've intermittently preferred plural pronouns ever since I found out about them (ie. like the royal we). They just feel lot more natural. And I've dealt with a lot of trauma and dissociation growing up bc trans, only recently remembering a bunch of stuff from childhood. Like growing up, I felt like a different person whenever I did trans stuff, cause that made it easier to forget.

And I've dissociated like hell plenty of times where I'll just be trapped in my mind with my body on autopilot, doing it's own thing, cause I'm just dealing with something so big and bad I can't be there.

And I've always talked to myself in my head to like talk myself through stuff. Like full on conversations with another voice that I don't really control, and if I do control it, it feels very forced and wrong. But it feels echoey. Like I'm saying it first and just parroting it back to myself with a different voice on top. And I've never really thought about it to much.

But I've recently come across a lot of plural content and've started thinking about all of it in a new light. And so I've been reading a lot of stuff, trying to do research, except I don't know enough to even know if what I'm reading applies. And I'm being really cautious about it cause I don't want to accidentally create someone if they weren't there already, cause I mean I don't want to go around snatching up diagnoses for fun cause that feels like just asking for trouble.

But a lot of the content I've been seeing is saying to be more gentle and to try and talk to them. And so I tried to reach out the other night and started talking with a girl named Mary and she's like really mother-y and patient and wants me to take care of myself. And I've been casually chatting with her since then. And she says she's been around for a long time to help take care of me and I don't really think I can deny that I'm part of a system now.

(I've also talked to other voices over the years, but never tried to contact them. I always thought of them as me talking to myself, and would do the mental equivalent of shouting at them if they wouldn't be quiet after I was done "talking to myself", sort of like trying to get rid of intrusive thoughts.)

And I'm sorry for dumping all this on you but I'm to nervous to tell anybody irl until I'm like certain. But I guess the big question this all comes to is does this sound like a system to you??? Am I just making this all up??? And on top of that, what does it feel like to share a head with someone??? And what does it feel like when someone else is fronting?? How do you front? And how do I let myself let go of my iron fist on the body? Taking it from my body to our body?

Hi there!

That sounds a lot like system stuff to me. Actually, I wrote an article about how to know if an "imaginary friend" is sentient, and what you're describing when you talk about the voice feeling wrong when you try to control it... that's literally my final test...

I ask that people try to control their potential headmate in some way to find out how it feels. So in my book, you already passed that test.

And if you have to mentally scream at the other people in your head to make them pipe down, then it's safe to say you're probably not making them up.

But it feels echoey. Like I'm saying it first and just parroting it back to myself with a different voice on top.

I would like to propose an alternative explanation here.

I bet that when you are speaking to somebody aloud, you plan out what you're going to say to them before you say it.

Now... imagine if you shared a brain with somebody. Each individual in the brain might have "loud thoughts" which are them actually speaking in ways intended to be heard. They might also have "quiet thoughts" which are the equivalent to thinking of what you're going to say before you say it. The reason it might feel echoey could be because they're thinking first, and you hear those quiet thoughts, before they speak to you with their loud thoughts.

I also think it's pretty common for systems to interpret different headmates as different genders. You might want to explore that a bit more, and see if "your" feelings towards things changed while exploring different gender identities.

Sharing a head with someone is... a little different for everyone. I think common themes though include things like hearing each other's voices internally in a way that's similar to your own inner monologue but distinct.

But it's not just the voices. It's often their thoughts and feelings too.

We can often sense when a headmate is happy or upset. And while those emotions are in our brain, we generally recognize them as belonging to somebody else. Except there's often bleedover too. So someone who isn't fronting being upset will cause the fronter to be miserable.

Have you ever asked the voice you talk to about itself to see what happens? Like, does it have a name? Does it want a name? Does it have different feelings towards people in your life that are distinct from your own? Does it remember things about your past differently than you do?

As for when someone else is fronting, it depends a lot on how conscious you are. If you're co-con, it might be like being aware of your body while it moves almost as if on autopilot. You know someone else is in the pilot seat, and you don't really feel connected to the body.

If you completely dissociate, you may not be aware of anything going on while it's happening, and only become aware of what's happened while you were gone after the fact when you switch in again. And that switch back to front may be a little disorienting while you readjust.

At least, that's how things work for us. Again, every system is different.

On letting go of the body, it may take time and I might advise you to not rush it. Discovering your system can be a bit jarring, and you don't need to do everything all at once. For now, just try talking to your voices and asking them questions, and pay very close attention to how they feel while you do.

Hope that helps! Have a wonderful day! And if you don't mind, wish Mary and the other voice a wonderful day from me too! 💖💖💖

[ghostblazewrites]

Melodies Of The Sky Intro

BASIC

genre: young adult, magical realism

status: working on 2nd draft, posting on wattpad

key themes: art, poetry, descriptive writing challenge, celestial symbolism, nature, mental health, sun & moon mythology, music, unlikely friendship, romanticizing life

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♫⋆⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♫⋆⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♫⋆⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

STORY

In the heart of an unassuming town, Lavender embarks on a personal journey of self-healing, only to find herself entangled in a myth that spans centuries and generations. Everything begins with an encounter with an enigmatic boy, setting in motion a celestial narrative that may connect to them more than they thought.

CHARACTERS

Lavender (she/her)

Lavender let out a sudden laugh. She was like a princess. She felt like one. Her kingdom was this never-ending field of mayflowers, and her crown was made with her own hands.

age: 15

Kind, unique, and a daydreamer, Lavender finds beauty and joy everywhere she goes. While not having many friends, she loves being around people and she adores deep connections. She’s very creative and expresses herself with art, music, and poetry.

quick facts

INFP

bad ukelele player, but is great at piano

has a gray tabby cat named willow!

morning bird, she loves waking up to the sunrise

favourite colour is blue

Eli (he/him

"You- you have to feel it. The story. You have to play with your soul and your body and your heart and your mind. You have to love each chord." He picked up his guitar. "You have to immerse yourself in a story and forget mistakes." 

age: 15

Quiet, gentle, and compassionate, Eli is a soft-spoken individual who has a talent for music and a passion for poetic words. He is dramatic like Lavender, always looking to make metaphors and poetry from mundane situations. While he seems aloof or shy on the outside, Eli quickly gets adventurous, excited and spontaneous about the things he cares the most about.

quick facts

INFJ

obsessed with the Lakelily myth of 'Eclipse'

has a dog named Luna

loves playing electric guitar

favourite colour is green

trans boy

night owl- loves midnight walks

AESTHETIC

moodboard

FACTS

☾𖤓 i started this book in may 2023, the absolute low of my mental health- it was supposed to be a quick descriptive writing prompt exercise to get my mind off of things...and quickly became this beautiful story.

☾𖤓 music is a huge part of mots- every chapter has a lyric :D

☾𖤓 the plot is pretty vague, i'll probably go into detail about it more in another post but the mystery is why it's so fun!

☾𖤓 third person, in lavender's pov (except for the prologue)

☾𖤓 the story is set in Lakelily, Ontario (no, i'm not just making every story set in canada whattt)

LINKS

pinboard

spotify playlist

wattpad

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♫⋆⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♫⋆⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.♫⋆⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

hope you enjoyed, if anyone reads this lol!! i'm so happy and proud of melodies of the sky and hope to post the 2nd draft to wattpad more often. if you want to hear more, please tell me idk whether i'm shouting to the void anymore

[sock-to-the-third]

The Meet Cute Diary

By Emery Lee (e/em)

I cried.

Happy crying but I did. I knew coming into reading Lee’s fantastic story that one of the characters used neo-pronouns so it wasn’t a surprise with Devin.

But fuck, fam, like… you never know how much you need to see rep until you see it.

*sighs*

Yeah.

… Moving on. It’s a young adult novel staring teenagers. Admittedly, I haven’t had as much luck connecting with romance focused novels. Nothing against them, they just normally aren’t my cup of tea but The Meet Cute Diary… fuck, is it good.

1. Narrator

It’s first person perspective with Noah (he/him) as our lead. Such an opinionated, bullheaded fucker I love him to bits. Kiddo just kills it stealing the show wherever he goes. From his passion of his trans-love blog to the way he brings out such personality in other characters— it reminds me what a vibe of a time being a teenager is.

2. Trans stuff

Also. Binders. I did not expect a discussion about binders. Got me all nostalgic of my old binder & sports bra so tight it bruised. What a shitty time to be alive watching the clock to make sure you don’t pass the 8 hour mark and break a rib.

It’s so cool how Lee represents trans-mascs. It’s just real matter of fact. I also like how we get to see a trans-masc that isn’t masc-4-masc and super macho. It’s just so fun seeing Noah running around being his little queer self.

Honestly surprised me that there wasn’t some drop like “oh his parents are horrible” or “passable- but kinda dicks.” Weird to see that much acceptance. I kept on thinking “wow, this sounds like wish fullfillment” - entirely forgetting some trans folks just live. Like.. with loving families and I’m like.. noice 👍

Also, the fact that Devin shares eir pronouns without a disclaimer of where it’s okay. I feel old at 26 because you didn’t just blanket “yeah neo-pronouns wherever.” Like, especially if you were baby with pronouns, often you’d only do it around friends awhile. I wonder if the next gen will be like that.

3. Plot twists

I love how Drew’s arc plays out. It has all the corniness of a romance as things slowly devolve. *chiefs kiss*

The two have such awesome banter. Plus the way it devolves is so ouch, love it. I was surprised Drew lied about how long the divorce thing was happening. Thought Lee was going to go a different angle.

Also, totally convinced that Drew was the OG troll and in charge of the article— some wicked mastermind. In hindesight, I’m really glad Drew was less a Moriarty and more just an asshole.

It made the transition between the end of Drew and the start of Devin’s relationship with Noah, realization of love and Noah figuring out a new purpose for the diary to hit home.

It’s not like rom com drama but it hits the kind of beats that makes you shriek and laugh with joy. I’m really happy how it turned out and the surprises along the way.

4. Devine’s Meet Cute

Can we talk about Devin’s surprise for Noah and just how adorable it is? The kiddo had panic attacks and socializing is an ouchy point and the fucker went out, overnight talked to 5 people, one of them a stranger, to set up this elaborate scavenger hunt.

If I didn’t have roommates 🙏 I would’ve screamed that whole motherfucking chapter, it was so dang good!

FUCK! I LOVE THIS GOD DAMN BOOK!

*flips a table*

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

…

Anyway, 10/10 book.

[pillarsalt]

Anon worried about her trans-identified friend again, I wish I had the words to express how much I appreciate your kind words!!! (Maybe admitting it made me tear up would help? haha) Your response was just as thoughtful and considerate as I thought it would be, but I never expected you'd write so much for a stranger talking about another stranger, let alone throw compliments my way. You're a truly special person and everyone on here, including me, is so lucky we get to hear what you have to say and chat with you :) (And see your wonderful art to boot!! Finding another bug-lover is such a lovely surprise!)

I'll keep your kind thoughts in mind whenever the rare friction comes up again between my friend and me. It was such a quick process for me to desist and become gender critical that I think it's easy for me to forget how much harder it is for people to change their minds on the trans topic when they're so much more invested in it than I was. (Feel the same way about religion too, even as a little kid I was asking questions about why certain things bothered me in the Bible and getting frustrated when I got shame instead of answers. Maybe being annoying and asking too many questions is just in my DNA haha. But all the more reason why it's important to help those who aren't naturally critical: they're the ones falling for unreality the hardest because of that fact.)

Ultimately I will keep being me and see what happens, like I've done before. If nothing comes of it, then there was nothing else I could've done differently anyway. I've asked her if she'd like to do gift exchange for the holidays. We're planning on getting each other a few embarrassingly nerdy collectibles we've been eyeing for a while :)

Thank you again for your help, I'll cherish your words always!!! Hope you have a blast on your trip and get to see all the little guys you could dream of!!!

I'm very glad to hear from you, anon! :) and thank you so much for the kind words! it makes me very happy to be able to help in any way. ❤️

It's funny that you mention questioning the bible as a kid. I went to catholic school and I remember being taught in first grade that we were supposed to love god more than anything. More than we loved our parents or even our dogs, and I just couldn't get past the notion that I had to somehow love the kinda mean, angry, invisible flying grandpa*, who never says a damn thing when I pray, over the actual people who had raised me. I stayed in catholic school until graduation despite opposing catholicism, argued a LOT. I think my point is that I've also kind of been primed for voicing unpopular opinions, so I'm biased when it comes to people who are more hesitant to take any position on the matters at hand.

*sidenote, around this time I obsessively read My Book of Bible Stories (1978) which was given to me by JW doorknockers. This is a bit uncanny, I haven't seen this since I was about 8. It was a treasured book to me, it's full of old testament stories and pretty brutal:

To demonstrate how young I was while reading this: the book refers to god as Jehovah, but I was still learning to read and thought he was called Joseph. So all the adults I told all these Joseph stories to were confused as to why I thought Jesus's stepdad was so OP. Anyway yes, Joseph was a scary guy in my mind, I mean look what he made abraham do before he said sike:

which really didn't give me much faith in him. Kind of a questionable thing to do to a guy tbh. Finally here's the illustration that basically inspired my URL:

Sorry to hijack your ask anon, for some reason your message sent me down memory lane. Finding that pdf was crazy.

ANYWAY: you made my night with yoir nice message, so thanks for that, hope you stay well. I'm happy that it's chill for the time being, and the gift exchange sounds like fun. Come around to chat anytime.✌️

[thatonebirdwrites]

I’d love to know 26, 39, and 46 for the book/reading asks!

26. Give a recommendation!

I'll go by genre!

Young Adult Fantasy: @dianeduane's Young Wizards series. I grew up with Tamora Pierce's Emelan Series (set in a fantastical land, and is about found family between four teenagers) and Diane Duane's Young Wizards, and I love them both so much.

I love recommending Young Wizards to people, because it's modern world but with this secret (or rather more like hidden in plain sight) magical side. And all it takes is a book called 'So You Want to be A Wizard' for our heroes to become wizards themselves. I absolutely adore it, and whenever someone comes to me asking if there's a series like Harry Potter, I grin and say, "Oh, I got one that's a million times better" and proceed to shove this series into their hands. It stars Latinx kids, and it's full of magical adventures across time and space. It felt a bit like the series grew with me too, and when I go back to read it, it's like a comfortable weighted blanket. Plus it tackles a lot of different issues in imaginative ways, that really got me thinking as a kid. Love that series to death.

Science Fiction Adult: Tie between Species Imperative Trilogy by Julie Czerneda and The Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin. The Trilogy is a fantastic adventure of this poor Salmon Researcher, who ends up entangled in an intergalactic dispute between aliens, that quickly turns into a race to stop a deadly plot that would destroy all life in the galaxy. Czerneda is a biologist, so her alien species are FASCINATING and wonderfully diverse. Love it to death. Dispossessed by Ursula Le Guin is an exploration of different ways of ordering society -- anarchism, socialism, capitalism. The main character leaves his anarchist society to explore these other societies. It's a pro-anarchist novel, but it also doesn't shy away from examining some of the complexities that can arise in anarchist society as well as the good and bad and neutral of other ways of ordering society. It's a fascinating book really.

Science-Fantasy Adult: The Broken Earth Trilogy by @nkjemisin. Damn, did the Broken Earth Trilogy hit me hard in so many good ways. This story is about the world ending for the last time, where a mother searches for her daughter, where her daughter seeks to purge the corrupted, where humanity itself is in peril, and where the world is hostile and in pain. This is a trilogy I'll never forget; I still think about it today; still dig into the text to uncover new nuggets; still ponder its themes. I just adored it.

Not-Sure-How-To-Classify: Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki is probably one of my most favorite books of all time. It's about a violin teacher who must find one last soul to complete her bargain with the devil and save her own soul. It's also about a trans woman who struggles with homelessness and finding her way with her innate violin playing. And finally it's about an alien mother who hides her family on Earth but happens to fall for a certain violin teacher. How will the three help one another survive and overcome the pain and trauma they all face?

The prose is absolutely GORGEOUS. And how the music is described? *swoons* Ugh, love that book.

OKAY, I'M STOPPING MYSELF HERE. No more books to recommend else I just continue on and on. :D

39. Have you ever been in a book club?

Yes. Was part of a Black Lives Matter book club, which was eye-opening and I read a lot of books that taught me a lot. I have a list somewhere if folks want to peruse. It helped me grow as a person and be a much better ally.

I also was in an LGBT book club years ago. That was fun, reading all sorts of books with or about LGBTQIA people. I think one of my favorite reads from that book club is the novella by Becky Chambers's A Psalm for the Wild-Built, which is about a nonbinary monk tea-maker who meets and befriends a Wild-Built Robot in a solarpunk setting. Adorable book.

46. Who is your favorite author?

I have to pick?? Hmmm. Too bad, I can't choose one, so in no particular order:

Ursula Le Guin, Tamora Pierce, Diane Duane, N.K. Jemisen, Alastair Reynolds, Nnedi Okorafor, Julie Czerneda, Becky Chambers, Octavia Butler, Mariame Kaba (mostly nonfiction)...

okay, stopping myself. :D I just love so many books!

Thanks for asking!

[cordycepsfem]

Pageboy Readthrough, Part Eleven

All the previous parts can be found here.

Previously

EP goes to Oregon and learns about Permaculture

EP is extremely closeted

EP gets shingles while making Inception

that's it

Now

Chapter Fifteen

EP dates a woman who is very closeted

they have a wonderful, very closeted relationship

eventually they realize it's not going to work out

later EP sees her at a party with a man

the chapter ends with the line Someone will break your heart but you will break one too.

Chapter Sixteen

we jump back to EP's childhood; she asks to be allowed to play soccer with the coed league one extra year, which is granted

"not precisely meaning it" but telling the truth all the same

EP talks abut moving into puberty and hating periods, needing a bra, etc., which I'm sure literally only affected her and has nothing to do with how almost every other teenage girl on the planet feels

two things here: 1) "other boys" sure EP; 2) "euphoria" - using "euphoria" to describe oneself or one's gender did not start when EP was a kid and even so, kids don't think that way about themselves, as "euphoric"... that's a very adult, usually trans, way of looking at things and it's pretentious. Ask me when I've ever felt "euphoric" about my body and I'll probably say playing roller derby or swimming, or maybe running pushing my sister in a 5K, and even then "euphoric" seems far too grand and, again, pretentious, for what I felt. I felt confident, I felt powerful, I felt happy, and those were the words I'd use.

a third thing, I guess - it's distressing to learn that one's body no longer fits clothes one enjoyed, but life sometimes is like that, and one learns that boys and girls can wear shorts, pants, T-shirts, etc. This period of time didn't mean needing to give up wearing certain clothes or to start wearing other clothes. It just meant EP would have to purchase them from the dreaded "girls" section

EP talks about going to a friend's house and being permitted to wear swim trunks as a kid, which she describes in a tone nearly orgasmic

... y'know girls and women can wear swim trunks too, EP? I swim in them.

this regressive "gender is clothes" gets me every time I read this and for some reason I always forget how dumb it is

EP meets a gay man:

you recognized yourself in a gay man? the kind of gay man who's on TV, so a collection of stereotypes? EP, even now you don't act like that, so what were you recognizing in this man?

(also, does this man know you wrote about him this way? I'd hate to find myself written about in this manner by someone I barely knew - "She was the kind of lesbian they showed on TV sometimes. The way she dressed comfortably, the way she didn't shave her legs, the way she talked about flea markets, the way she listened to Julien Baker, the way she moved... a lesbian person, you know, like a normal human woman." Jesus Christ. I'd want the book burned.)

EP goes to a water park with a friend:

EP I swear to all that is good and holy I need you to stop referring to other people as "queers" without their permission. Don't ask me how I know, but I know this person would not want to be referred to as "a queer" in your book. Why the fuck would you do this? And you weren't "a queer" at age nine, you were a girl with short hair.

And yes, once again, women can wear swim trunks and in certain places go around with their chests out. I wear swim trunks and rash guards to swim. Once again, gender is just clothes.

EP goes into how euphoric she is to not have to wear a shirt and how she can wear swim trunks and swim and feel the sun on her body or whatever.

be careful with your scars, sunburns will fuck them up

I will admit here that this part, while so weirdly enraging and confusing like the rest of the book, made me feel unhappy and jealous for a couple of reasons. First is that my own BDD and dysphoria have made it hard to want to look at my own body or feel neutral, let alone euphoric, about it. When I'm swimming I don't care, because my body's in the water and it's doing things, but in general I hate everything around it - getting dressed in the Y locker room, peeling off my heavy, stuck swim clothes afterwards, etc. I am deeply jealous of someone who feels so comfortable in their own skin that way.

Second I'm unhappy because I wonder how things would have turned out if I'd been born just a few years later. I'm too old for a school-age diagnosis of autism, too old for knowing what "lesbian" meant in elementary school, too old for discussions about gender amongst my friends. I don't like to think that I would have been pushed in the direction of "trans'ing my gender" if I was among the youths now, but I don't know who I'd be, either.

I am glad that no matter how much I hate my own body from time to time, I know that no matter how much I change it, I'll still always be me. I'll still always be female. My body is more than the nebulous, unnecessary concept of "gender" - it allows me to do the things I want, to love the people I care about, to show up for work - my body is me. I have time to learn how to love my body for what it is.

This book makes me fucking maudlin.

[nappingpaperclip]

Unfortunately, despite a lot of community members, librarians, teachers, and parents speaking out against an amendment to a policy that would require our superintendent to establish a committee to review “sexually explicit material” in secondary school libraries (which they already have policies for, and is clearly meant to give power to the board to ban LGBT+ books), my school board passed the amendment

I’m so fucking sad and angry. Librarians are already underpaid and overworked, the schools already have policies for this, and parents already have the right to prevent their children from checking out books without their permission or at all AND the ability to submit books they’re concerned about for review.

I don’t even care about the stupid committee or the fact that they’re asking librarians to do even more unpaid work while having an existing staffing issue and are already budget cuts, cause most likely they won’t get any volunteers and they will likely just get sued. I don’t even care. Let them get sued and waste the school districts time and money and accomplish absolutely nothing.

I only care trans and gay children. Even if stuff like this gets struck down or fails they still see it. They still deal with the consequences and the culture it creates. They see this stuff, they see what school board members and community members say about them and they know that adults in power don’t care about people like them.

These adults don’t even have the guts to say it plainly either, they hide between words like “perversion” and “trends” and “loss of innocence,” but kids aren’t fucking stupid and they can read between the lines and see that these adults don’t want them to exist. They call our existence and identities a trend and ignore the fact that people like us have existed throughout all cultures for all of history.

I grew up being told I was going to hell and that God hates me. That I’m a perversion, not normal, a freak, don’t belong here. It has only gotten much worse and much more dangerous for LGBT+ children and especially children of color.

Days after Nex’s brutal murder. I’m so infuriated and disgusted.

Trans kids please know you are so, so loved. I can’t imagine how scary it is to have to go to school right now. It was scary for me four years ago and it’s only gotten scarier. My heart breaks every day thinking about what y’all are going through

Rest in Peace Nex 💔

We will never forget you. What happened to you should not have happened and we will never stop fighting to make sure it does not happen again.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

That Hits Me Where I Used to Live...

We're not talking about some book to be read to children, like Heather Has Two Mommies and One is Black. They have gotten rid of the most recent version of a book that I had when I was learning how to teach preschool. It's a book put out by the National Association for the Education of Young Children - which I was a member of until my broken body got in the way of my simple ambition to teach small humans who need to be carried sometimes. The NAEYC accredits teachers and preschools and sets standards. They have thrown out what is essentially the OSHA handbook of best practices for educating your young children.

And why have they done this?

...Because it tells teachers to treat kids with queer parents with equality, dignity and worth, and that they should try to keep systemic racism out of the classroom.

Developmentally Appropriate Practice (we just say DAP) has been the foundation of preschool education in the States for almost as long as I've been alive. The deal is that children are not just smaller, dumber adults. Their brains and bodies are growing, so you want to serve them appropriate activities as they change. They're not all going to go at the same pace, but kids of a given age will be about ready for certain concepts - some may need a little more help and some a little less.

This concept should not be political or controversial. They always say they're so goddamn concerned with biology, so you'd think conservatives wouldn't be freaked out by the idea that children grow up.

Young kids have tremendous anxiety about being safe and accepted in school. When they hit preschool, a lot of them have never been away from their caregivers, certainly not all day. Some of 'em get so scared they just stop talking. There will be kids who don't trust you enough to communicate that they need to use the bathroom, and then they will detonate on the floor. They will hide the fact that they're sick with 100+ degree fevers, or in pain, or bleeding. If you don't make your classroom a safe place for young kids, they won't just be miserable, they will be biohazards, okay?

But, oh, my god, the evil book acknowledged the reality that children come from all kinds of families, and systemic bias can hurt them.

Listen, forget marginalized minorities for a sec. BOYS get shitty treatment in preschool, okay? Most of the teachers are women, and when boys roll up with their loud, active, and sometimes aggressive gendered socialization, a person who grew up female can get very confused and impatient with it. They're trying to get more male preschool teachers, so there's someone in the room with context, but the job is low status, low paying and gendered female, so there still aren't that many.

If gender alone can make a teacher treat a kid unfairly, culture and ethnicity can do it too. The book of standards and practices would like your child's teacher to be aware of this, and try to self-police. That's all. And conservatives can't handle it. The book says you have to be respectful of people's differences? BURN IT!

This thing where they're coming after trans people is cover. It's loud and obvious and horrifying, and it makes it harder to see the smaller horrifying things that aren't getting as much media attention. Conservatives do not care whether trans people live or die, they're just a convenient excuse right now. This book isn't a book for keeping trans kids safe, it's a book for keeping all kids safe. Like, minimal standards of safety. And in Alabama, it's gone. All they had to do was say "it's woke." Poof. No more nationally-accepted standards and practices for preschoolers. Like magic.

God fucking damn it. We can't sleep on this. I don't know what to do about it, but it is NOT OKAY. I knew that the best we could do was slow it down and give people more time to get safe. I knew that. Intellectually, I knew that. But they're knocking out the safety rails that make it harder to hurt the smallest kids. What's next?

[maryellencarter]

So I've been tussling with how to write this post for some time now.

Uh, the background good news first? I appear to have worked almost an entire pay period and also March is a three paycheck month, so I'm making some very solid progress on getting caught up on my bills, and it seems like this might even continue. I know I tend to be more optimistic than is usually warranted, but 70 hours in my time clock when working all my scheduled hours would put me at 72 is pretty damn impressive, especially compared to how I've been doing for a really long time.

So then I was poking around and trying to figure out what one even does with disposable income. I've been going to a knitting group at a local yarn shop recently (I forget if I mentioned here but a friend was able to get me some KN95 masks and some helpful information about transmission rates so I can socialize safely again! This is probably a big factor in me being less depressed and more worky again also), but I don't really enjoy owning yarn I don't have A Plan for, so right now I've got a cable sweater for Leia, a fancy silk lace scarf, a puffy hexagon blanket, and a crochet baby blanket going, and I just really don't want any more yarn until I finish with one or two of these projects.

Recently, though, as y'all have probably seen, there was an announcement going around about the American Girl doll brand announcing a pair of 1999-themed Historical Character dolls. Because Tumblr is the "we are getting old" website at this point, there were Noises. (They have a Pizza Hut "Book-It" reading program playset. I have never been smacked in the face with nostalgia so hard in my entire life.)

As some of y'all may also remember, I used to have a whole collection of American Girl dolls and furniture and whatnot, because I was trying to do the whole "believe you can be safe and stable now and have the things you were never allowed to have as a kid" thing with a reasonable part of the money I'd inherited from my then recently deceased grandmother (a lovely human being, and by extreme genetic good luck the relative I take after physically, so that I don't have to deal with the whole "growing up to look exactly like my abuser" thing that some people have to suffer through). Then the 2016 election happened, I had a horrible depressive spiral, was unable to work, sold 90% of my collection to pay the rent, eventually became homeless anyway, and lost the other 10% by trusting the wrong person to keep my stuff safe when I had no other options.

ANYWAY! Not the point. The point is that I started poking my nose back into the American Girl website, and then the wiki in order to try to figure out what all I'd missed, and I'm kind of being like "hey, I could hypothetically afford some of this stuff again now".

(I personally find it hilarious that the brand is trying to walk a line between "Addressing trans and nonbinary identities in our helpful book on puberty for preteens? Sure, we'll do that, we're progressive! Also did you say Harry Potter collaboration? That's a license to basically print money from customers who are nostalgic for the same era we were most popular in, let's do this", which is exactly the kind of seesawing I expect from Disney -- who owns American Girl via Mattel.)

So *anyway*, and this is the part of this post I'm really struggling with: I also used to be heavily involved in the part of the American Girl adult collectors fandom that describes itself as "queer-friendly and socially conscious". That part of the fandom runs the wiki (which is an extremely useful and well-constructed resource). I don't know who-all from those days may still follow me on Tumblr, and I'm actually not looking to cause drama, just sort of thinking out loud as I so often do on the tunglrs, but after five years away from the fandom and having poked my nose back in, I'm running into a royal shitton of memories (and a little new information) that's making me go "Holy fuck, this place was *incredibly* toxic, no wonder I got utterly burned out on trying to interact with the dolls and items the way they demanded everybody should. No wonder I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells to even say anything or post a picture related to this fandom."

So. Let's be real. I'm saying "the way they demanded". It's one person, backed up by other mods who don't create their own separate demands. This particular section of the fandom is ruled with an iron fist by one self-described Angry Black Woman who... the very kindest way I can find to describe it is, she's a walking talking demonstration of how you cannot create a single safe space that's safe for everyone. I made a post several years ago that went a little bit viral, where I pointed out that being uncomfortable with a very verbally aggressive black authority figure can actually be because of the "very verbally aggressive authority figure" part, say if you're a survivor of emotional abuse *koff koff*, and doesn't have to mean you're "uncomfortable with black anger" Because You're Racist. That post was a direct reaction to multiple instances of seeing this person tell people "you're pushing back against me being verbally abusive, that's a racist action on your part".

That's the kindest, most nonconfrontational way I can come up with to talk about the situation. Less tactfully, after going to look over the forum rules for this subsection of the fandom -- hoping to realize I'd just been an extremely sensitive tortellini at the time and they weren't that bad, because I know I was an extremely sensitive tortellini in other matters -- in actual fact, I've been reminded very loudly that these rules are a 13k essay on topics such as You Must Be Okay With Verbal/Emotional Abuse If It's Directed At You By People Of Color, All Cultures Of Color Are Closed Cultures Now (So Don't You Dare Put This Black Doll's Clothes On Any Other Doll), and the real kicker for me, Only Selected Queer Identities Are Suitable For Public Discussion (subsection We're Redefining Queerness To Exclude Polyamory, new since I was last here, with sub-subsection Oops We Didn't Mean To Exclude Asexuals Only Those Icky Cishets, and fun guessing game Are We Excluding Aromantics Or Did We Just Forget They Exist, Ask And See If You Get Banned).

I... genuinely didn't mean to go on that long. But this is exactly why I'm making this post. Because I have a *lot* of trauma from trying to figure out what's actually racist or offensive and what's not, while being in a community where anything the main mod doesn't like can suddenly be declared an offense against social justice, and if you ever step on her toes, you're likely to be relegated to the ranks of the damned (aka the white Christian mommybloggers who own more than six white dolls or less than 50% dolls of color). And as probably all of you know, I do a lot of thinking out loud about trauma. Which is a PROBLEM, because this person definitely still follows me here (I don't know who else from the fandom does), and Tumblr blocks don't keep people from seeing your posts, only interacting with them.

So. Uh. There's probably going to be... more of this. I'm making this post now because I'm almost done sewing a doll skirt, I want to show it off here, and I'm also having a really nasty anxiety attack over how this person is definitely going to metaphorically rip it to shreds in the dedicated forum thread for mocking homemade doll clothes (mostly from Etsy) that don't live up to her exacting standards of Historically Accurate Doll Costuming. (The skirt is gathered instead of using 1800s-style "cartridge pleats"! The horror!)

Yeah. So. Um. I guess... if you follow me from when I was last in AG doll fandom, here's where I stand, at least right now. I'm not going to name any names, but you likely know who I'm talking about. I'm not going to go after anybody or cause trouble on their blog, but I'm not going to pull any punches when I'm talking about the ways they and their policies have made me feel unsafe in the fandom. And I'm not going to follow their byzantine rules based on the concept that a single doll can only have one ethnicity and one backstory. A doll, in its essence, is a shapeshifter the way a character actor is a shapeshifter, and not all of us want to create 50+ fixed individual characters that can't wear each other's clothes.

If you can't live with any of that, feel free to go commiserate with each other. I'm not planning to go back to the forum, so don't worry that I'll see anything you say there. (I'm not even planning to publish the rules publicly, since they're not viewable when logged out, although they are a trip and a half to read without the context of the dramas that shaped them.)

If you're scared what will happen to your standing in the fandom if you like my posts or keep following me, though... maybe that's a place to start thinking.

[thornquillthefiendish]

I think I need to do one of these but uhh, hey I’m Thorn, you can also call me Thorny! I’m a bit of a fandom elder in warriors I guess? Not in the sense that I’m old, but that I’ve been within the fandom since I was a wee whelp though comparatively I’d say I’m slightly older than the average fan.

I’m a young adult (saying this for clarities sake, I do not want anyone to be uncomfortable near me), and I try to be as clean as possible on my account, but I’d say rating wise, everything here is pg13 and if it notes of anything outside of that, it’ll be tagged of course to avoid those uncomfortable with said topics stumbling onto them! If I mistag something or forget a tag, please let me know, I’ll try to correct the error immediately! That being said, content on this blog will dip into darker topics, but mainly topics I’ve already seen in media targeted for all ages or younger ages. I will also cuss a fuck ton, nothing explicit of course, but I have a vocabulary that would likely make a sailor blush, so know that I’m trying to be inclusive and safe for younger fans whilst still keeping my own edge.

Some other bits about me, I’m afro-brazilian (live in the states), trans male and gay as all fuck! Hawkfrost (of course) is my favorite warriors character, my favorite arc is TPB, my favorite clan is WindClan and I write on the side of art. My favorite color is pink! Some other media I enjoy is RotTMNT, Gorillaz (2D kinnie-), The Portal Series, Watership down, Horror media, fnaf (guilty pleasure it’s brain numbing), The Hades games, Zelda games, anything based in studying animal, plant and human life, comics, monster hunter, Pokémon, anything mythology, yakuza like a dragon annnnnd honestly the list is far too long to fully count, I like a lot of weird stuff.

I don’t have any currently active blogs outside of this, b u t if you’re interested, you can check out my old au blog, @fireclawisexhausted for an old au idea that I might continue some day but likely not soon.

Some unique tags on this blog and what they mean are;

#thorn’s carvings = art/general art

#thorn’s wc designs = my designs for canon characters

#Embers of Revolution rewrite = rewrite tag

#kitty studies = random non au related character studies about warriors characters

#thorn loses his fucking mind = me being mad at Warrior cats

#EoRR char profiles/notes = information on a character in the rewrite, pages will be updated as the story is written

#EoRR Clan Lore = lore for the rewrite regarding the clans, optional read but recommended to do so AFTER reading in a few chapters, though I know people love lore so it’ll likely have no affect if you read it ahead of time

#EoRR Other Lore = lore outside of the clans

#EoRR updates = updates involving new chapters being uploaded, breaks, polls and feedback, warnings, etc

#EoRR artworks = art related to the au in events, though also applies to alternate designs for a character in the au

#other EoRR info = things that aren’t really lore but connect to EoRR

For some added context, EoRR is my currently planned rewrite of the series (mainly TNP and everything after, but I’ll be revising some of the first series too), focusing on better character development and implementation of better narrative focus, character consistency, improved and revised arcs, better representation of characters that closely parallel irl groups of people based on writing, added lore and cultural dynamics and improved relationships. I’ll be making an AO3 account for “books” in the rewrite and post updates on here whilst also ofc posting other stuff about it onto the blog!

Dni; basic things that I expect to be common sense, ofc no nsfw or explicit content blogs (not personal just uncomfortable with that based on the content I’m posting on here), anyone who claims and consistently surrounds themselves with proship and anti stuff because I do not want to be involved in those conversations.

Not really dni but something to be careful with around me, please avoid talk of homestuck I have some admittedly strange issues regarding it and how it’s connected to some bad experiences I’ve had. Ofc I won’t be mad at anyone who does, even if it’s not inherently a mistake, but it just makes me really uncomfortable.

[glyphsn-noises]

ITS PRIDE BABYYY

Ik i already made this a month ago but i love doing picrew!!

These are me roughly from age 11 to now (15) or from y6 to y10 and i really think it’s important to understand especially this year more than any other year that trans people will always and have always existed. As a trans person currently living in a country that is not very tolerant of lgbt people and continues to discriminate towards queer people constantly in the government.

When i was 12 i fully knew something was wrong, I knew that to some extent something was wrong , i felt a disconnect but i thought that surely had nothing to do with my gender , i mean it seemed almost as if it was a foreigner concept because i never saw or was exposed to any trans people or at least trans people where i’m from. I struggled a lot and just assumed it had to mean i was a lesbian it wasn’t until the first year of middle school when i read a book about a trans girl it opened up the concept that maybe that could be me. But it felt super far away so i kept it hidden until the second year of middle school where i just could not take it anymore. I could not take the constant feeling of disconnect and disassociation, I don’t even think i fully felt alive for most of those years. The day i cut my hair i had spent the day before wishing i could have tried to find a way to permanently die.

And yet i’m here right now i’m 15 and i’m thinking about my university options and i’m one of the highest in my class in History and English.

I wish there was more representation for transgender people outside of the US or Uk because we never get to hear about the ones that the rest of Europe seem to forget or the rest of the countries of the world seem to have forgotten trans people exist in their countries too. Transgender kid and adults will always exist , it’s a matter of whether you want to watch us die or not that’s the difference.

[pentanguine]

Favorite Books of 2022

It may not be January anymore, but at least it’s not May! As always, I’m dreadfully long-winded.

12. Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo

There is a reason this book has a thousand award medals on the cover. The period detail is so immersive, every sentence so real and personal, that I kept forgetting Lo wasn’t alive in the 50s and Lily wasn’t telling the story herself. It perfectly captures the giddy feeling of being a confused teenager in love, and I appreciated that Lily’s Chinese-American community didn’t feel like it was written for my understanding as a white reader. For the most part, it didn’t read like YA [YA is great, but not my thing], and the prose flew across the page in short, beautiful chapters. So glad I bought it on a whim.

11. The Tangleroot Palace by Marjorie Liu

A strange and lovely collection of stories told in beautiful prose, with Liu’s trademark ability to write complex, ruthless women. There were only seven and almost all were standouts, with the anthology moving from her darkest and most vicious story to the most charming and whimsical. Liu is a stunning storyteller.

10. A Marvellous Light by Freya Marske

A few years ago I had a failed attempt to read Witchmark, another queer Edwardian fantasy full of magical political intrigue, and this was everything I hoped Witchmark would be and wasn’t. The magic unfurled perfectly, the setting was well-realized, and the romance between Edwin and Robin blossomed so naturally, with each clearly seeing the appeal of the other and bringing realistic hangups to the table. Excellent balance of romance and intrigue, and Marske’s prose is full of original flourishes without being overwrought. Overall, highly enjoyable.

9. Red X by David Demchuk

Deliciously creepy and well-written, steeped in folklore and recent queer history. The horror feels all the more visceral because of how closely it follows the same characters’ lives, like there’s no escape—you’re being hunted, trapped, you’re fated for this end. Breaking the fourth wall adds an extra chilling touch. Strangely, without giving too much away, this book made me feel queer hope.

8. The Library of the Dead by T. L. Huchu

A great take on urban fantasy, with a well-drawn main character and magics both new and familiar. I especially enjoyed being inside a teen’s head in what is very much an adult fantasy, and reading Ropa’s distinct slang-filled narration. This installment felt like it was still setting things up in a lot of ways (What exactly happened to the world? Who is the king? What about Ropa’s mother? Are we going to be learning more about the Library?) but that’s all the more effective in getting me to look forward to the sequel.

7. Dead Collections by Isaac Fellman

A delightful mix of archives, transmasculinity, fandom, and vampires. Even though the story is centered on fantasy/horror concepts, it’s a told in a slice of life kind of way: Sol isn’t the one who discovers [the central problem], his concerns don’t leave the niche community of archivist vampires, etc. The romance and the sex were sweet and hot, and every trans conversation felt satisfyingly not for cis people. This book might be slightly impenetrable if you aren’t part of its niche audience, but I loved it.

6. Spear by Nicola Griffith

A story about losing home and finding it again, with all the heightened moments of myth woven seamlessly with real history. Peretur is a young person testing her strength, finding love, and experiencing loss, and my heart broke for her as she realizes what she is too late to save, and that even good, wise men are only men and can be led astray. The writing is gorgeous, precise, and lyrical, and the early chapters reminded me of my own childhood, when every story feels like an adventure you want to be part of. Highly recommend for people who enjoy myth retellings and atmospheric novellas, even if Arthurian legend isn’t generally your thing.

5. The Night Watch by Sarah Waters (reread)

I first read this book almost exactly five years ago, and I remember how blown away I was by the backwards structure of the novel at the time. I’d never read anything else like it, and I knew it made me Very Sad. Now, I have a renewed appreciation for the what arc does to the story: everyone ends on a note of hope in 1947, but we follow them backward into a moment of crisis that turns the story into a tragedy. They are fated, one way or another, to “end” with the beginning of their stories and follow the resulting path into inevitable pain and disappointment. What the characters love about each other and what makes them strong is also what destroys them and their relationships and brings everything crashing down. The construction of this book is just so masterfully done.

4. The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin

I devoured the last ¾ of this book, which was such a satisfying surprise after I slogged through the first 80 pages. This story has multiple narrators, and I didn’t care for the first one, but I loved everyone else’s voice and their stubborn, strong, flawed personalities. One of the many things I love about Jemisin is that she writes women, older women, and mothers so damn well, in a genre that rarely bothers to tell stories outside of a young, white lens. She also made me visualize abstract multidimensional entities with ease, and she even made me feel some vicarious affection for an ugly city I loathe. She’s a wizard. I loved it.

3. The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean

A savage, near-perfect book taking on the concepts of motherhood, monstrosity, and story-telling with a highly original concept in a lovely literary prose style. It tells the story of a woman made monstrous by motherhood, and the questions it asks about goodness, complicity, the nature of love, the value of a life, and the wielding of power are complex and juicy. I think it’s the perfect book for the legions complaining that “strong female characters” are all just #girlbosses and that lesbians never get to be fucked up and messy.

2. Fitz and the Fool by Robin Hobb

Yes, this is another trilogy, but specifically Fool’s Assassin and the last 50% of Assassin’s Fate. The first book in this trilogy is so slow and domestic (but still heartbreaking! don’t worry!), but still totally immersive. I’ve realized I’m really drawn to the point in a long-running series when an author writes a slower-paced book focused on the everyday lives and relationships of characters we’ve come to know and love, and Fool’s Assassin is a perfect example. On the other hand, I also enjoy epic quests and constant peril, and the way those characters we know and love can be irretrievably broken by forces outside their control! And the ending! The ending! I sobbed for half an hour straight reading it! What an ending. That is how you write an ending.

1. Liveship Traders series by Robin Hobb

Is it cheating to list three books as your favorite book of the year? Not if it’s the Liveship Traders trilogy, because in my mind this is one long, unbroken story that happens to be split into three print volumes. I inhaled all three books one after another as fast as I could, and for the most part, I truly could not tell you what happens in one vs. another. The characters, the setting, the plot, the themes—everything is developed so richly, with such care, and everything feels real. Hobb is a master at balancing almost a dozen different perspectives while making every character’s motivations complex and believable. Even the villains are understandable, if not excusable, and not leering caricatures. Everything about the world feels magical and wondrous, and I truly couldn’t put it down. I read 800 page Ship of Destiny in 5 days. These books have set the bar so high I can barely see it anymore. If you like character-driven epic fantasy, multiple POV stories, dragons, or pirates, I can’t recommend these highly enough.